Two Elderly Gentlemen in the Service Department 2009

July 24, 2018

Eavesdropping is a great way to learn to write better dialogue.


One day while I was waiting for my car to be serviced in Glendale, these two gentlemen created a whole world for me. They spoke in shorthand, a clue that they'd clearly known each other for a while. What was the nature of their relationship? Were they partners or brothers or friends? Why did Man# 1 want to go to the cemetery? Had someone just passed away, or was it an anniversary of a death? Also, how had Brian hurt his shoulder? 



MAN #1:         Today I want to skip swimming, because I want to go to the cemetery

                        after this.


MAN #2:         Okay. I want to call Brian when we get home.


MAN #1:         I’ll use my cell for you. His number is in here.


MAN #2:         It doesn't matter! I have to learn to use mine.


MAN #1:         Well, don’t hold it that long. It goes on by itself.


MAN #2:         Shows it's fully charged, but when will it go off?


MAN #1:         Don’t worry about that. To find Brian’s name, go under Find.


MAN #2:         It’s listed under Brian.


MAN #1:         So, it's listed under Brian. Hit send.


MAN #2:         Isn’t there a send in there?


MAN #1:         It’s ringing.


MAN #2:         Let me put it to my ear to see if it's ringing.  It rang twice and then went                          dead what would that be?


MAN #1:         Here’s Brian’s number. He’s number one on my list because of the B.


MAN #2:         Brian? It's dad, how are you doing?  Oh, go back to your meeting. Just                          wanted to be sure your shoulder was okay.  No, I'm good. We're here

                         with the cars.  Go back to your meeting.  I love you, too.


MAN #1:         Left my electric razor over at Jordan’s house


MAN #2:         I haven't used an electric in about twenty-five years. 3:30-5:00 is a good                          time to sleep, but if you want to sign us up for swimming then, and find                                            out where the parking is, I'll go.


MAN#1:          I'll go tomorrow.


MAN #2:         Okay.


MAN #1:         Okay. Did they say here what I came in for?


MAN #2:         This is the complaint I wrote to the factory. Can you read what they gave                          me here?  You need a telescope.


MAN #1:         Try flipping it over. That doesn’t mean they did it.


MAN# 2:         Oh, this isn’t the bill?


MAN #1:         No, it's to show you what they're doing.


MAN #2:         I gotta stack of stuff here. This is crazy.


MAN #1:         I'm invited to Greg’s Friday, you should make plans with Norm.


MAN #2:         I'll see what Friday brings


Please reload

Featured Posts

On Becoming a Writer

February 2, 2016

Please reload

Recent Posts

July 20, 2018

February 2, 2016

January 25, 2016

November 23, 2015

November 16, 2015

Please reload